Confusion

I talked to my ex-gf Sunday night. I think we talked for about 3 hours total (phone disconnected in the middle). I'm not sure I came out of it knowing anything more than I did before the conversation. She had sent me an email asking me to call her. So, since I hadn't talked to her in 3 weeks, I did. Basically, from what I gathered, she wants to be friends, see how that goes, and wants me to wait on her. She also apoligized for an earlier email that was somewhat insulting to me. The decision of whether or not we were going to be friends (which I thought we still were) was left up to me. I must admit...I hesitated. When I read the not-so-nice email Friday, I was really hurt; more hurt even than when we broke up. I told my roomate and best friend, Billy, that she may have seriously lost any chance she had with me. When she said some things I didn't like when she broke up with me, it didn't really ruin any chance. But this, with us being friends, was pretty close to being too far.

So, at the end of the conversation, I told her I was good with being friends. But I don't understand the "seeing how it goes" part...mainly because I thought we already did that. We took about a month (after already being friends) to decide if we wanted to date. I'm not sure how good I'm going to be at going back to being friends who are interested in each other if we've already dated. I knew that this dating relationship wasn't going to be easy. I don't know that 'being friends' is going to help. You can't just look at a friendship and "know" that a relationship will work. You always are learning, and things are just different when you date someone compared to when you are just friends with them. I guess that's the funny thing about commitment...you actually have to commit. I don't know if she is willing to have me as any type of priority. A relationship with God is most important, but when in a relationship each person has to learn about working both relationships together. I don't know that Pa Nhia will ever commit to me without giving up at any instant.

On a good note, my Cardinals won their first playoff game today! And the Red Sox got blown out! Too bad the Yanks won though...