Thursday, September 29, 2005

Another day, Scripture usage, and Love

So, okay, maybe I went a little heavy on the whole song lyric thing! But they all spoke to me when I was reading them.

Today wasn't actually a bad day. We (Pi Kappa members & pledges) played capture the flag with Alpha Kai girls tonight on campus. Though many people, guys and girls, stood around talking a lot, it was still fun being able to chase people. Just doing something active always helps me, whether it's this or football practice, or just throwing a ball around. I was meant to be physically active.

You know, I love the Bible. It has so many good things to say. But sometimes I get annoyed when people use Bible verse as their only reply. I would rather someone say, "Well the Bible says ______ about this subject, so I think ________ ," than just reply (like in an email) with only scripture. I know we should bring each other back to the Bible, but it's hard to get to know someone in a friendship if that person won't give their opinion, or at least how they think the Bible verse applies, or how it affects them. Since the Bible isn't a book of rules, it's hard to always just use it as such, and it gets under my skin when people blindly use it that way. Or if they aren't blindly using it, they should at least give their feelings or interpretations. That's just my feelings when it comes to Bible usage in friendship.

There are few people I am more appreciative of than my sister. Though sometimes she's not the best at listen, but the best at interrupting, I never have a doubt that she will always be there for me. Thanks also goes to my roomates and Katie Noah for listening and giving great feedback. God bless and peace.

Old school

Old School Lyrics by the greatest group ever:

How do I say goodbye
To what we had
The good times that made us laugh
Outweighed the bad
I thought we'd get to see forever
But forever's gone away
It's so hard to say goodbye
To yesterday

I don't know where this road
Is going to lead
All I know is where we've been
And what we've been through
If we get to see tomorrow
I hope it's worth all the wait
It's so hard to say goodbye
To yesterday

And I'll take with me the memories
To be my sunshine after the rain
It's so hard to say goodbye
To yesterday
~It's So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday, Boyz II Men

Although we've come to the end of the road
Still I can't let go,
It's unnatural, you belong to me,
I belong to you
Come to the end of the road
Still I can't let go
It's unnatural, you belong to me,
I belong to you

Girl, I know you really love me,
You just don't realize
You've never been there before
It's only your first time
Maybe I'll forgive you, hmm
Maybe you'll try
~End of the Road, Boyz II Men

On a perfect day
I know that I can count on you
When that's not possible
Tell me can you weather the storm?
'Cause I need somebody
Who will stand by me
Through the good times and bad times
She will always, always be with me

Chorus:Sunny days
Everybody loves them
Tell me
Can you stand the rain?
Storms will come
This we know for sure
Can you stand the rain?
~Can you stand the Rain

I knew there was a reason why I loved these guys. They just speak my mind so well. Sorry for all the lyrics, but I've been thinking a lot.

Relient K

Relient K is a great band. They're always fun, but include some deep lyrics too. These are just examples off of their newest cd.

Let it all out
Get it all out
Rip it out
Remove it
Don't be alarmed
When the wound begins to bleed

Cause we're so scared to find out
What this life's all about
So scared we're going to lose it
Not knowing all along
That's exactly what we need

And today I will trust you with confidence
Of a man who's never known defeat
But tomorrow, upon hearing what I did
I will stare at you in disbelief

Oh inconsistent me
Crying out for consistency

And you said I know that this will hurt
But if I don't break your heart
Then things will just get worse
If the burden seems too much to bear
Remember the end will justify
The pain it took to get us there

And I'll let it be known
At time I have shown
Signs of all my weakness
But somewhere in me
There is strength

And you promise me
That you believe
In time I will defeat this
Cause somewhere in me
There is strength

And today I will trust you with the confidence
Of a man who's never known defeat
And I'll try my best to just forget
That that man isn't me (2x)

Reach out to me
Make my heart brand new
Every beat will be for you
For you

And I know you know
You touched my life
When you touched my heavy heart
And made it light

~Let it All Out

And sometimes I think that I'm not any good at all
And sometimes I wonder why, why I'm even here at all

But then you assure me I'm a little more than useless
And when I think that I can't do this
You promise me that I'll get through this
And do something right Do something right for once
~More than Useless

Song lyrics

This is a favorite of my sister and her husband...simple words, but deep.

*These words are my own, from my heart flow, I love you, i love you, i love you, i love you, There's no other way to better say I love you, i love you* *I love you I love you, thats all i got to say cant think of a better way, and thats all i got to say I love you, is that ok?* These Words ~Natasha Bedingfield

*I remember waking up to this song:
When you get caught in the rain, with nowhere to run
When you're distraught and in pain, without anyone
When you keep crying out to be saved
But nobody comes and you feel so far away
That you just can't find your way home
You can get there alone
It's okay, what you say is

I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again, on my own
And I know that I'm strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid, I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day
And I make it through the rain
And if you keep falling down, don't you dare give in
You will arise safe and sound
So keep pressing on steadfastly
And you'll find what you need to prevail
What you say

And when the wind blows
As shadows grow close, don't be afraid
There's nothing you can't face
And sure they tell you, you'll never pull through
Don't hesitate, stand tall and say, yeah

I can make it through the rain
And stand up once again
And I live one more day and night
And I can make it through the rain
(Oh yes you can)
You're gonna make it through the rain*
~I Still Believe, Mariah Carey

When to give up

So, this is what I've been struggling with...When do you give up on a girl, especially when she already broke up with you. It's been over a week since the breakup, and I miss her just as much as I ever have. I have no clue if we will ever get back together, but I haven't given up on that possibility.

I'll be honest about a few things. 1: I faked last week totally. 2: Linked to the first thing, I've had numerous times that I've fought tears. And some of those times I didn't win. But the number itself has surprised even me. Of all the girls I've dated, it has been a long time since I've cried over one. It doesn't mean I wasn't in some good ones, because I was, but I just didn't cry over least not for this type of reason.

So, when do I say "I GIVE UP!" I mean, this isn't even close to being the longest relationship I've been in...Heck, it's one of the shorter ones. And when I think about it, it never was going to be an easy relationship. Different races, backgrounds, families...her first language isn't even English, it's Hmong, which I'm horrible has never made since. But I guess since that didn't matter to me when we were together, it shouldn't matter now. And she does strive to honor God more than most people I know, by far!!

So, I'm stuck, torn, and torn to pieces. One thing for sure: One Love, One God, One Way.

Monday, September 26, 2005

Video Games

What is it about video games that draws so many people, myself included? This weekend I played a video game for hours with a roomate and another friend. Every other night, I play a shooting game with two of my roomates. I think sometimes it's to let out aggression and frustration, which I've had a lot of lately (frustration, not aggresssion). Sometimes, for guys, it's a weird way of bonding, like watching football together. The relationship isn't any stronger, but it usually feels like it. But I think the greatest reason is the ability video games give us to escape; the ability to get away from life and live in an alternate life, if not for only a few minutes. It gives us more control than we normally have in our lives, even though most of us won't admit we aren't always in control. I don't have all the answers, but this one makes sense to me.

Saturday, September 24, 2005


Quick thought. Have you ever noticed how special some pictures are. I can still see the picture of me with my cousin Leah when we were 4 years old that my grandma has. I have other pictures of friends, family, and relationships, some you look at and smile, some you laugh. This is why you put them on your wall, as your computer background. And others cause you to frown and fight tears. This is why you hide them, turn them upside down, and throw them against the wall. I know a picture paints a thousand words, but the memories it paints are so much more powerful.


When you have that rough day, or rough few days, it's always nice to have real friends. I learned that this week, though I wish I didn't have to deal with the roughness first. I had some good friends who were there to talk, listen, just be in the room, or even just sincerely ask how I'm doing. Thanks goes to those friends, they know who they are!

Long time, Long days

So it's been a long time since I've been on here. I thought (and was hoping) that I would have enough free time and internet access over the summer while I was in St. Paul. Turns out I had neither, so I couldn't write on here like I wished. So, it has been a very long time.

More than that, it has been a long last few days. I got the good 'ol breakup call from the gf, Pa Nhia, Monday night, which I didn't see coming. Maybe I should have, but hard times don't always mean the End Days. I always thought that no matter how frustrated I got, or how much I frustrated her, this one was worth it...worth dealing with the distance, frustration, and occasional hurt (which comes in all relationships). But I was enlightened a little Wednesday night at Hope in my small group. We were talking about relationships (go figure), but mainly friendships. Someone made the comment the the best relationships are the ones that you let yourself be the most vulnerable. I don't know that she believed that, and who wants that totally anyway. But that's probably something every relationship has to work on...along with forgiveness and second chance. Just looks like we won't get that chance to work on it.

Last thing on the girl: When people would ask me how it was going, I would be honest (especially with friends), but say that she was always worth it, that the relationship I foresaw was always worth it. You know...I'm not sure I ever want to feel that way again.